Pain at Mother's Day

Mother's Day may seem like a celebratory day for most. What you may not see are the people that are mourning the loss of their mother and feel her absence even more palpable on this particular day. Or the couple who has been struggling with infertility for years, who feel the ache in their chest when you ask when they will start having kids.

I can tell you that 10 years ago, when I imagined my life today, I saw being married with a couple of kids. I never imagined the journey that God would take me and my husband on. Cancer has taken many things from us, temporary loss of hair, eyebrows that never fully came back, my body, my ability to carry or conceive children, my health. What I never imagined was all that we gained from cancer. Wil and I are praying more together, more involved with our church body, digging deep into the Word, memorizing Scripture, life long friends that we met during chemo, and most of all, being fully reliant on God and His plan for our life.

I'm not saying that each leg of this journey has been easy. There are times where I have questioned God, Why? Why me? Why this pain? Why this heartache? But there has always been the gentle reminder that I am a child of God. My identity is not in being a wife, or successful at work, or even being a mother. My identity is in who I am in Christ. This doesn't take the yearning I have for being a mother out of my heart or the pain I feel on Mother's Day when I am not one yet, but I know that God is shaping mine and Wil's heart and life to be more like Him.

God never promised an easy life but one day, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

I hope and pray that each of you struggling will find peace during Mother's and Father's Day.

God is good all the time; and all the time, God is good

This is slightly belated, so sorry for the lapse in writing!

I had my repeat Ultrasound on my thyroid in March and followed up with my endocrinologist the next week. My blood levels all looked good. And the medicine is working! The cysts have shrunk and my thyroid hasn't grown any bigger. So we don't have to go back to see him for another 6 months.

The following week, right before our vacation, I had my 3 month check up with my oncologist, Dr. Skinner. My labs looked good and my exam was completely normal. I am officially "no evidence of disease" for a year!

We talked with Dr. Skinner about getting my port-a-cath out. This is the permanent IV that is sewn into my right chest wall. One side of the stitches busted almost 3 years ago and has been hard for the nurses to access since then. Other than that, it really hadn't been bothering me until lately. The catheter is tunneled over my right collarbone and that is starting to get irritated just with the neck of my shirt rubbing on it. I have twinges of pain once in awhile in my chest wall too. Dr. Skinner said that if it is bothering me, we can take it out!

This feels like the turning of the chapter, or closing the book. We are scheduled to get my port out this Friday, the 15th. It will be done outpatient at Forsyth Medical Center in Interventional Radiology. I will consciously sedated (like they do for your wisdom teeth). Dr. Skinner said I will probably be sore for a few days, but that is it!

Wil thinks I'm weird, but I am going to ask if I can keep my port. Wil said that he can get it made into a paperweight or something for me :)   It has been a part of my body for 3 1/2 years now!


After we got all of that good news, Wil and I went on our 5 year anniversary cruise. I am sure you saw the photos... we are ready to go back already! It was an amazing trip and we met some pretty amazing people! The Tortu's are like a second family to us now, even if they are Yankees.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for good health!