Now we are in a new stage, uncharted territory for us. I take Tamoxifen, an oral estrogen blocker, twice a day and we are eating healthier and both of us are losing weight. It still feels strange not going to the cancer center every Monday.
As many of you may have read, I am an open book. This blog started out as an easier way to just keep loved ones updated weekly with our condition and treatments. This has become a way for me to reach out to other survivors who may be following behind me. There are some things that you don't think about or don't know about until you are forced into the cancer world. One of these topics is what Wil and I call "survivor's guilt."
I have had my moments when I ask God, "Why me?" but the majority of the time, I think, "well why NOT me?" The connection that you instantly have with other survivors, especially ones fighting the same type of cancer, is truly amazing. It is a sisterhood or brotherhood. Wil has strong connections with the co-survivors, whether that be a husband, boyfriend, or family. We wouldn't be able to influence these people's lives without having walked that path ourselves.
So back to survivors guilt now. Since we are so closely tied into the cancer community, when things are going well for us, we feel guilty. There are so many of our friends that we know that are fighting this battle for the third and fourth time, or that their cancer is much more involved than mine was, or surgery was much tougher and more invasive. I know that we are at this specific point in our journey by the grace of God. I don't have all of the answers and I may never know during my time on this Earth. This verse always sticks out to me and has helped me process a lot during tough times:
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
